Postivity

Wow! What an absolutely stunning smile. She would brighten anyone's day. She brings vitality and a purity to this dingy-ass nightclub that has been tainted by bad hook-up choices and casual cocaine use. I want to wake up with her beside me every morning. Or at least see her at my breakfast table, ready to chow down on some waffles and Grape Nuts.



Normally, I've got a major hate-on for guys with babes (because they are not as cool, and therefore deserving as me to be with the babe), but with this guy, he gets my blessing. In fact, he has done his partner such a service in living up to the standard set by his lady, that I wish him all the best with bringing third into their bed after the art show. I think that would be just wonderful.

p.s. I took three hits of ecstasy this morning. Serrrriously.

Da Mayor of Bonertown

I don't mean to be rude, Ms. Mayor, but you seem like you'd be real loud and obnoxious - as if you have been emboldened by a life of male attention thanks to your curvy figure and luciously large breasts. I can just imagine being at this party (I have to imagine these things nowadays), and having to endure you drunkenly interrupting some awesome conversation I was having, by slurring, "d'you know what?! My friend thinks you look JUST like that guy from That '70s Show! What's his name? Ellen! Ellen! What's that guy's name who you say this guy looks like..."

I'm sorry it's worked out that way - you may be interesting or have the potential for something greater than ogling, but as a man, I can just not get around your giant knockers and the horizontal stripe effect just isn't helping. I also have to admit that your poor taste in malt beverages and dye jobs does nothing to subdue my bone and only adds to my evaluation of your character.

I Predicted This

Ironic moustaches, ironic metal t-shirts, ironic baseball caps, ironic clown shoes, etc.

How far can this irony trend go? Will there be ironic goatees? Will fashion change to privilege Docker's and golf shirts over the cutting edge fashions of yesterday?

What the fuck. This is so confusing. Either this guy just emerged from 1993 (goatees weren't all that hott then btw), or he is rocking the most daring and frustrating game of fashion one-upmanship since I grew my first ironic moustache (in 1998!). If it is indeed the latter, enjoy it my friend. Because your look will soon be removed from your domain and found at Wal-Mart - just like plaid shirts and Palestinian scarves are today.

Welcome to Bonertown

Population: Me.















I'm pretending that my dick is the wine:

Dollas

Cormark Securities Inc. just spent over $70 million on a stock deal. This is just one of the million dolla expenses they will make in a year. This is their mission statement:

Cormark Securities Inc. is a leading independent investment dealer counseling Canadian and international institutional investors and Canadian-listed mid-cap and emerging growth companies from offices in Toronto, Calgary and Montreal.

This is their "vision" :

to partner with our clients to achieve their capital market objectives.

I want to believe that hundreds of millions of dollas are not so easily thrown around by organisations built around empty and poorly-written objectives and mission statements. But it's true. Millions of dollas does not equal sophistication, intelligence or elitism. Nope. Their vision is akin to McDonald's stating, "we desire to sell hamburgers to our customers". No shit dudes, no shit.

Maybe they could send a few of those millions my way, and I can write them some non-run-on, misplaced sentences. I could also show them the strength and integrity that comes with usage of the active voice. "I fucked that chick" not, "that chick was fucked by me".

Prrrroof of Postmodernism

don't stop believin' - fake prom 2009 from untold city on Vimeo.

So, it's a fake prom, with attendees ranging in ages from early 20's to 30's? And everybody seems to get it, and totally get in to it. The prommers are living out this idea of the prom based on John Hughes movies and modern day music videos. This isn't a "prom", but an ironic pose of a prom based wholly in popular culture references instead of actual lived nostalgia (the "Prom").

Don't Stop Believin' was released in 1981, and popular in the very early '80s. Someone who's prom was in 1982, which would have likely featured Don't Stop Believin' would be well into their 40's in the latter part of this New Millenium. So, what are these people reliving? As Jean Baudrillard would say, a Simulacrum, or as I would say, bullshit. Let's go with Baudrillard's theory though. They are participating in a mirage of something that we all collectively hold to be true, but it based in the popular unconscious and cultural fabrications rather than our own historical experience. Where do they know this song from? Is it from angst-ridden teenage years lusting after the rockers in Iroc-Zs or that girl with the skin tight jeans and feather earrings? No. It's Glee. Or the Sopranos. Or The Wedding Singer or any other of the more recent pieces of pop culture where Don't Stop Believin' has been featured.

So what I am left with, is the sense that people attend the Fake Prom to mock the ideas of proms without mocking their own complicity in them. Just five to ten years ago, many of the Fake Prom attendees were most likely losing their shit at the most important social event of their lives with the real prom, but it is only when Prom is removed from their own individual experience and placed in an ironic, mocking stance that they can trash the outfits, music, anticipation and excitement (with gleeful joy).

Would it be as funny for the Grad 2003 girls, who cried over their prom dresses and lost virginity just five years ago, to revisit this night with Nickelback and Fifty Cent as the soundtrack? Could they make fun of the ridiculous amount of time that went into choosing their outfits and dates and Livestrong bracelets the same way they can when they have the safe distance to pillage the absurdity of '80s fashions and trends? Can the boys immerse themselves with the same ironic joy when fitting themselves into a $65 a night tuxedo from Black and Lee and scenting themselves down with some CKOne like they did in 2001, or will they again need to borrow from the fictional past when everyone had embarrassing haircuts and wore powder blue tuxes. EVERYONE did.

I'm not hating on the Fake Prom - it looks fun. I'm just sceptical of people who are "really into it" without having the appropriate pedigree to get really into it. Shit dude, I practically invented ironic hair metal worship in the mid-to-late nineties. I learned about Iron Maiden. I had a Warrant t-shirt. I ironically listened to The Final Countdown over and over and over and over again in the eleventh grade. Fuck you. I guess my point is, we are all embarrassing and have a past that is less than awesome. We don't need to jock someone else's embarrassment because it is comfortably distant from our own.

Fuck a Blog

This blog defines the word "pussy"

There's like a dozen exclamation marks on the one page.

hunx and his punx from untold city on Vimeo.

"So I was thinking of learning an instrument, or improving on my songwriting or singing, but then I realised: I can just wear ridiculous spandex pants!"

Thank Blog!

http://123funnyscraps.blogspot.com/

What did we ever do before we had the power of the internet to express ourselves and our unique personalities? How were we free to express, share, and collaborate ideas with like-minded individuals, which fostered innovation and bold new adventures? Where were we earning $0.13 every week due to our creativity? How did we entertain each other without repeating jokes and anecdotes others had told?

The Untold City

Hey J/O, peep this blog I just discovered. Some hairy ass, some guitars, sweat, parties we're not attending...... you know, the usual steez.

Welkommen to East Van

I saw a dude on the bus today with this shirt:



I respect the idea, and I appreciate the recognition of the Main St./Commercial Drive=East Vancouver bias that there is, but what about Knight? Victoria? Rupert? Joyce? E.49th Ave.?! You can't tell me that some kid who grew up in Champlain Heights and went to Killarney isn't as East side as one who went to Van Tech? I'm waiting on the next edition thatmore completely represents MY East Vancouver. Sunset needs to be respected. Seriously.

Also, note that all the pictures of people on their website are taken in Gastown (Railtown?). Step your game up, boys. Put a dude in your shirt representing the East Side IN THE EAST SIDE. It just makes sense. We've got iconic backdrops - use 'em. Take the Skytrain there - it's the East Van thing to do.

Find the Difference With Praneeth

Hi, I am Praneeth.Padala and I am doing as a Software engineer @Hyderabad. My hobbies are Reading Story Books, Listen to Music, Computer Games, Watching Movies, Long Drive.

Your Ass Is So Fine, You Don't Need a Pussy

Gigante is a charming and very enjoyable Uraguayan film about stalking. Not the scary, problematic stalking that we hear so much about on TV, but the cute, infatuated, curious stalking that all of my relationships have begun with. You know, NORMAL stalking.

In Gigante, we are treated to some next level stalking from our man Jara, a security guard who's night shift job is to watch the numerous video cameras in a Montevidean supermarket. While this film doesn't have the input of Seth Rogen or the guy from King of Queens, it is the funniest of the mall cop dramas I've seen this year. As an aside, both Paul Blart Mall Cop and Observe and report are completely forgettable, and as I write this, I can't believe I've seen three mall cop movies this year.

Jara is a delightful loser who just wants someone he can listen to Slayer with. Might it be Julia (Whoo-li-a), the overnight cleaning woman from the country who's hot ass defies the logic of mom-jeans and inspires a cab driver in the film to recite the title of this post? Well, it is her, as she likes G n' R, horror films and chatting with chubby guys on the internet, so Jara should be a shoo-in if only he can get the courage to introduce himself to her. The film follows Jara as he follows Julia and her tight jeans as he discovers that she just may be the woman of his dreams.

I don't use this often, but this film is incredibly cute. Cute and sweet and very heartwarming. I was tripping on "e" when I watched it and write this, but I think it still stands. When you search "gigante" in images this guy is one of the results:

Film Festing!

Oh can you feel the excitement in the air, Vancouver? It's time for the film festival! Yes, fall is upon us and it is Vancouver's turn to host the buzz films from Cannes, Berlin, Toronto and all the other festivals that distributors prefer to reference the achievements of, rather than the lowly and often forgotten Vancouver fest. Vancouver doesn't generally have stars in attendance and there is no red carpet that I know of. But, Vancouver is a film town, and no one gives a rat's ass that we lack the glamour and star power of our famous cousins. We just like to watch films, preferably one's from Asia and sweet stories from our own East Coast.

I usually don't partake in the proceedings, as I hate crowds, taking chances on unknown entities, and anything "festival", but this year I've gots a pass. A full, you can see pretty much anything pass. Therefore, I shall share my thoughts, reviews and privileged perspective on the films and goings on with you, the devoted readers of Mutual JO - the web site. First up: Catherine Breillat's latest - Bluebeard (Barbe Bleu).



Bluebeard is a period piece set in... the past, you know - that time when people didn't have electricity and they danced those lame dances to dulcimer music. Horses, wagons, castles, eating meat straight off the shank yet remaining sophisticated - that time period.

But wait, don't walk away just yet, because as this is a period drama by an AUDACIOUS French feminist director, it's not boring like all those other ones. Two simultaneous stories are presented that mirror each other. The main story is that of a family saddled with debts after the unexpected death of their father. The film opens with the two daughters of this man learning of his death from their very sexy Mother Superior (or I may just be misinterpreting the Catholic school repressed female sexuality from a dominant female role - either way, with all the rest of her hidden by cloth, you can really only concentrate on her full and poutily stern lips. I'm pretty sure Breillat wanted me to be getting my chub on with her.).

This scene, and the rest of the film, is intercut with a parallel tale of two ridiculously cute little girls exploring the treasures of their attic, which culminates in the younger, way more ridiculously cute girl reading her older, less precocious sister the story of Bluebeard. The younger girls narrate the story of the even more olden times sisters which culminates in an arbitrary and somewhat ambiguous ending. Go art films!

I'm no film reviewer, and there are reviews out there that will give you a better sense of the hidden intricacies that make this film notable, so please don't look for them here. I think I caught some, but to sum up my favourite parts: you get to see a goose get it's head chopped off! Like a real live goose! There is some creative editing that suggests that the goose probably didn't end it's life with a renaissance-era axe beheading, but something slightly more humane, but we do get to see the last gasps of this goose's life complete with the final kicks of it's headless neck struggling to function. It was gross.

I also enjoyed the interplay between Bluebeard, the ogre-like monster/husband/billionaire who values truth, innocence and beauty, with his child bride, who is spunky and sassy way beyond her era. Breillat utilises several scenes contrasting their size and personalities to great visual effect, including Bluebeard feasting on a massive egg, while his petite wife samples several eggs of a much smaller bird. I too like eggs, so this scene strongly resonated with me. What does that big egg taste like? Is it more robust than a chicken egg? What kind of tiny bird produced those mini-eggs? Was it a quail? A tern? What?!

In summary, I enjoyed Bluebeard.

Grab Your Weapon

Who said we have a problem with violence in America? I don't see no violence. Do you see violence?

YEAH VIOLENCE YEAH!!!!!!!!

Fishin' Magicians

(sourced from the Internet)