Collage

So, I started writing this long post about the poor investment that sites like Facebook and Tumblr present, as I fail to see the revenue stream that will support these media, but then I thought, "nah, post some decontextualised, nostalgic videos relevant (?) to me and my peers".



Nikolai Volkoff loved the Soviet Union so much, that he would insist on singing its anthem before each of his bouts, and after if he won. He would snatch the mic away from the announcer and start belting it out. The audience would boo like crazy and yell at him to stop. This was how I learned that Communism was bad.



Hulk Hogan is a "Real American", he "fights for the rights of every man". In grade 5 or 6, for music class, we had to bring in some music from our homes to share with the class. Cory Stickel brought in his record of WWF music. I don't remember what I brought in. For a while there, I was into the Top Gun Soundtrack, Gowan (Strange Animal, Criminal Mind), and U2. Joshua Tree.

Dearest Nelly:

It's OVER!



Sorry dude, but them's the breaks. You had an album in 2008 (allegedly - I've never heard of it, and you KNOW I'm jocking MuchMusic 24/7) which made no impact anywhere, despite having AKON on it, which should equal instant banger success. There has been one update on your website since 2008 (I've unbookmarked it btw), but on the plus side, you're on Twitter, although I found this photo here, which shows the groupie quality you're currently working with.



Man, remember "Batter UP"? "Number One"? Three is not a winner and two no one remembers, what does it take to be, number one? Never has that question seemed more pertinent.

Business is FUN!

1. There is a company, a real honest to God corporation with shares on a stock exchange that you can buy and sell, called the "Tootie Pie Company" (it's stock symbol is TOOT - as in, "hey, stock broker, get me 10,000 units of TOOT asap!")
2. There was apparently a pumpkin pie crisis just prior to American Thanksgiving of last year.
3. The Tootie Pie Company reported on November 20 of last year that they had "solved the pumpkin pie crisis".
4. Tootie Pie Company stated, in print, that, "Today's news from Nestle that our country is facing a shortage of pumpkin pies in advance of Thanksgiving is nothing short of an emergency and, being the maker of the best pies anywhere, we felt compelled to step in and do our part to solve this emergency by announcing that THE TOOTIE PIE COMPANY HAS PUMPKIN PIES for delivery! So, call us or visit our website at www.tootiepieco.com but whatever you do, don't have Thanksgiving without pumpkin pie." (emphasis mine)
5. The fact that grown ups with straight faces are thinking of, writing about and believing in these things is funny to me.

BAAALLLIIINNN'

"EAT A DICK MUTHAFUCKAZ!"

The Old New York

I miss the old New York. I mean, I've never been there, and it may only exist as media simulacrum, but I yearn for the time that I continually see in old movies where New York was a cesspool filled with aggressive assholes who yelled at each other all the time. "Fuck you, pal!" "Hey, can I get some service here?!" "You talkin' to me?!" "Who you callin' buddy, pal?!" "Yeah, you gotta fucking problem with that?!"

A time filled with Danny Aiello getting up in some joker's face.

Listen Up Dudes

This might be big. You heard it here first.

Don't Leggo the Eggos

Have you heard? There's been flooding at an Eggo plant in Georgia, which has hampered the regular production at the factory, while at another Eggo factory, they had an anticipated slow down in production due to regular maintenance factors. These two events have led to a perfect storm which is resulting in: A NATIONWIDE EGGO SHORTAGE!!!

Holy shit! No word (that I can be bothered to find out about) how this will affect Canada, but good Christ - an Eggo shortage. Kellogg's share prices are hurting because of this. Serious business analysts actually get to say and write phrases such as, "due to the Eggo shortage..."

A new generation will be brought together to recount for decades, where they were when the Eggos disappeared. It's this decade's OJ Simpson verdict or Kennedy assassination.

My friend's...

I'd be willing to bet big money that in the past 6 years, the phrase, "my friend is starting a t-shirt company" has been uttered 10,000 more times than, "my friend is starting to commit his time and energy to the betterment of mankind".

Hotheads

I was at the Biltmore last night. It was packed. It was hott. Temperature-wise that is. I noticed an inordinate number of people wearing wool toques. Fashion that strongly contrasts with environmental factors has always pissed me off. From the folks who wear flip flops in the rain, to the fellow who favours the down vest feat. t-shirt in the coldest months, I just don't get how one can ignore the season in favour of fashion. What especially irks me, is when they are completely ignorant of their own effect on their comfort with statements like, "it's so cold" (says the guy in the February nylon windbreaker), or "I got soaked last night walking home" (courtesy of our friend Ms. no umbrella paired with a moisture sucking wool coat).

The following photos are of different people from a single night at one night club, that probably is a toasty 23+ Celcius degrees. This heat is commonly found in the season known as "summer". The major irony is, is that its not really all that cold outside to require the toque in the first place.

All photos sources from Lindsaysdiet.com (thanks Linds!). I'm stealing them and posting them here without her permission (fair use, or whatever), because I'm like Girltalk up in this blogsphere - recontextualising and recompositioning existing elements to make my own motherfucking tapestry of artistic statement!

















What happened to cool?

Cold Heat / Icy Hot

Dude, it's so hot here in this nightclub in Canada in the month of January, I just gotta strip down to my tank top. The fact that it reveals the thousands of dollars in tattoo work I've got over the last sixteen months is completely coincidental. What? My wool toque? No, it's not a contradiction to my earlier statements about the heat, it's just that I don't have any tattoos on my head, so by removing it, I wouldn't be showing off how edgy I am.