Drink Local (Assholes)

First off, I've got nothing against PBR. It tastes decent, in that way where if you haven't had a good beer in a while, you're like, "hmmm, not bad for the price!" I also appreciate it's identity as a "working class" beer that has been established over the years. Because as someone who is not working class (I've been unemployed for the last 6 months but my "net worth" (yeah, I calculate that) has actually increased due to the upswing in the markets where I have retirement savings and other investments), but modest and somewhat envious (not so envious as to desire the workforce of manual labour - yuck!) of that class, it's nice to be able to appropriate a symbol of my connection to that group. Half of my family is white trash after all.

Anywhoo, what ticks me off about PBR is that there are so many more sensible, local, independent and cooler alternatives to it. Here I will present two excellent ones that we should be seeing a lot more of in Vancouver.

If you go to a hip bar in Vancouver, you can get a can of PBR for $3.50 (more?). That's right, you can pay for one, what you could get about three for in the liquor store. I understand bar mark ups and get that considering the alternatives at the bar, $3.50 isn't that bad of a deal, but if we're drinking PBR to appropriate its value as the working class beer, paying that much kind of ruins the effect, don't it? A pint of a local, similarly tasting swill on tap would make more sense. Also, out of a can?! At a bar?! That is not on, son. Cans are for drinking around the fire, or at home when you're too lazy to wash the glass afterward. Cans are disgusting and impede the flavour, unlike bottles or glass, which enhance it. It's poor barmanship to serve in a can. This has got to stop.

So why is PBR available in bars, despite its can-only availability? I'll tell you why. Some local slimy hipster representative for whoever owns PBR (I wasn't able to find out who markets it in Canada) who is knowledgeable of the current, plaid/bearded/"I'm so poor I have to drink at DTES bars, yet my cellphone bill runs me upwards of $100 a month"/dirty denim fad knows that PBR is in demand by a certain demographic (that's right Eddie Underground - you're marketable) and knows how to exploit that fad. At the same time, the Pacific Brewery (union made in Prince George) and Shaftebury (I thought it was brewed in Delta - that's what it says on the can, but the internet is telling me they are a Sleeman subsidiary and now brewed in the Okanagan) seem to have missed the marketing boat. To be fair, Pacific beers have been claimed by the hipster crowd, although for the most part, I haven't seen them at many hip bars. But to be fairer, coming from a local source, and tasting quite excellent (Shaftesbury 420 Lager - I'm looking at you), it seems that the obvious choice should be to not support PBR. Where's the indie spirit? Where's the acting locally? The locavorism? The hometown (home province) pride? The anti-establishment attitude?

But what really gets me, is the sad plea that has been put on the side of the new Pacific Traditional BC Lager can: "Spirit of Hope. Keep jobs in BC and support Pacific Western Brewery, BC's longest running independent brewery"

How sad is that? Dear Sirs, here we are in Prince George, toiling away making brews for buddies and good ol' boys throughout the province, but things are not so rosy. There is a spectre haunting our prosperity: the US version of us. Sure, they may be union made (can't confirm this), and they may proudly display their tradition on their cans like us. They may, like us, be a favourite amongst farmers and foam and mesh ball cap wearers, but fuck that, we're local. And you're killing us every time you crack a can of their low quality brew. We're low quality too! We do it up workin' man style! We make a high alcohol beer called Cariboos, which has a play on the word booze in it! We even make a beer called Dude Beer (sorry, but that one sucks, guys)! Please support us! Please!

So in conclusion, we are comparing apples to apples here: both brews are union made, have working class cred, taste pretty good considering the price and are equally cheap (maybe a ten cent difference). Yet one is a Von Dutch cap that you may see some twenty-something celeb drinking on TMZ, the other two are my grandpa's CPR hat that I drink in my home. Which would you rather be? Spencer and Heidi or me?